Rhythmic creaking from the old rocker lulled me into an introspective mood. The slanting autumn light illuminated the mottled hues of yellow, orange, and red over the Blue Ridge Mountains in front of me. I was exhausted—a comforting, bone weary exhaustion. And yet, in my tired stupor, my mind was still searching for an answer; an explanation. What had this weekend, spent with a bunch of women who wanted to know more about homesteading really been all about? What had just happened?

In January of 2011, I made a Facebook post asking if any women were interested in learning more about homesteading. In the end, more than 20 women showed up to my farmhouse. A couple of them had driven over two hours to be there! After this initial meeting, we made it a regular affair to meet once a month at my homestead. At first, we all piled into our upstairs homeschool room and into the rows of chairs—I was the teacher. I shared whatever knowledge I had about their chosen topics of interest. If I felt unqualified to talk about a particular subject, I looked for someone in our local town who could.

As the months went by, we began to sit in a circle, and the time for chatter and laughter afterwards grew longer and longer. Driven by wanting to help these women attain as much homesteading knowledge as possible, I decided it would be fun to have an educational “homestead retreat” for an entire weekend. Thanks to a friend with a connection, I booked an October weekend at the Foxfire Museum in the mountains of North Georgia. The setting was picturesque, and the perfect place for learning old-timey skills.

I hauled up a crate of chickens for our butchering class. We carried up logs and chainsaws for the chain sawing class; axes for splitting wood; oils and beeswax for salves, and so much more. We prepared meals together, washed dishes together, and spent time lingering over hot drinks while visiting on the porch. And then, the “magic” started to happen, and I began to overhear conversations at the table:

“I’m going to be canning tomatoes this weekend, you wanna come over and help?”

“Oh, I have so many eggs, do you need some?”

“Would you teach me how to knit?”

“Would you mind sharing that recipe from dinner?”

The intertwining of lives, the vulnerability, the listening and sharing of hearts; tears, laughter, and life stories—so much more than just knowledge about homesteading. These were my thoughts as I rocked in the creaky rocking chair of the old cabin. A friend walked by and put her hand on my shoulder.

“You ok?” she asked.

“Yep. Just thinking,” I said.

“Was this retreat what you expected?” she inquired.

“No,” I replied, “it was so much more than I ever imagined.”

For years, I watched the “magic” happen again and again, all over this country, among like-minded women in face-to-face community with one another at what came to be known as the National Ladies Homestead Gathering. Then, in 2020, the world shut down. People were forced to separate and leave the comfort, safety, and benefits of their in-person communities. As fearful as people were to walk away at first, many are now just as hesitant to step back in. And so, I write this to encourage you to have the courage to seek out community, for I know first-hand the many benefits it has to offer.

Being the founder of the National Ladies Homestead Gathering (NLHG), one of our foundational missions is to help women build community in their own town. I’ve seen and heard about the successes of thousands of women who are experiencing the benefits of authentic community. We are social beings, after all, and we are made stronger individually when we are able to come together as a group. But how do we build community from where we’re at right now? Where should one begin?

From experience, I can tell you that building a community truly does start with a conversation—a simple, face-to-face conversation with someone who shares a similar interest. An impromptu meet-up in the aisle of the feed store, the hardware store, the plant nursery, or even the fabric store. This short exchange has the potential to become a beautiful symbiotic relationship. All too often these days, we’re afraid to strike up those conversations—we’re more comfortable looking down at our phones than looking other people in the eyes and saying hello. But we’re missing out on untold opportunities to build community, and to make connections with others that have the potential to become lifelong relationships.

Speaking of connection, you’ll know it when you feel it—a shared excitement with someone else who speaks your language, who doesn’t present the “cringe” face when you mention you raise your own chickens for meat. Go ahead! Test the water. See how far you can take the conversation about your chosen lifestyle, because you might just end up with a new friend. And for those who are willing to be brave and vulnerable with those in your community, you may even be blessed with communion, and a friendship that accepts you for who you are, just as you are.

I’m often asked, “What will I get from being in community?” And to that I say that it’s not what you get, but what you give that determines the benefits of being in community. However, if you are still feeling hesitant or apprehensive, here are some suggestions to help you break the ice and make building community a part of your own mission.

Practical Steps to Building Community

First, acknowledge your own need for community. Those who come into any community with an air of complete independence and an “I’ve got all the answers” attitude tend to have a tough time fitting in with others. Be open to the fact that everyone has something to give and to gain; to teach and to learn by coming together. This is the first pillar of building community—common unity.

Second, allot time to invest in community building. Show me your calendar and I’ll show you what’s important to you! If building and participating in community is a priority, then set aside time to invest in the people who make up your community. The dividends you get in return are immeasurable.

Third, make the effort. Listen to others and hear what they are really saying. Ask questions about the other person you’re conversing with. Show an honest interest in getting to know and understand them. Don’t just talk on and on about yourself.

Fourth, share freely with others. Share your knowledge. Share your resources: seeds, excess veggies and fruit, equipment, books, contacts and networking opportunities, etc. Share yourself. Allow yourself to be vulnerable—this is a tough one for many folks. Open up. Admit when you’ve made a mistake. Own your stuff. This is not always easy, but it’s incredibly valuable.

Finally, always remember the old adage that “a rising tide lifts all boats.” Everyone wins when people are willing to share themselves, their knowledge, and their resources with others who are also willing to reciprocate.

Individual Contributions, Shared Goals

I stood and watched a group of my friends one day. We were working at my farm, chatting and laughing while they helped me build a smokehouse. One was new to homesteading and eager to learn whatever she could. Another was incredibly gifted in solving mechanical or carpentry-related problems. Another was meticulous with her numbers and measurements. And the other got there a little late, but brought nourishment.

Each of us is so different, and yet, not so different. We all shared a common goal: to learn about smokehouses. And yet, we each brought our own unique talents and contributions that helped make this project a reality. We were neither independent nor completely dependent, but rather, we were interdependent with one another.

Community is made of this beautiful and intricate microcosm of humans coming together in like-minded purpose. I’m often reminded of the quote by Simon Senik, “I am one and I am one of many…always.”

Recently, I’ve been traveling the country and living out of my 2013 Ford Focus with my dog, Piper. I’ve had an intense desire to meet the women who make up the NLHG chapters in their local towns. All of these chapters across the country are part of a bigger community found in the National Ladies Homestead Gathering (NLHG.org). What began in the little homeschool room in my farmhouse back in 2011 has grown into a community of thousands of women, coming together locally in face-to-face, like-minded community each month. We share knowledge, build community, and grow friendships.

One morning, I was enjoying a plate of food, each item gifted to me by a different woman I had met along my travels. To others, it may have looked like an effortless meal: Dill pickles, a hard boiled egg with hot sauce, sourdough bread, and goat cheese laid out on a plate, resting on a wooden cutting board. But to me, the meal represented more than just simple nourishment; it represented community, and how each person’s individual contributions are integral to the whole.

Farm fresh eggs from chickens, lovingly cared for by the woman who handed them to me with a beautiful smile; Sourdough bread, measured, kneaded and baked to perfection, then gifted to me by hands who understand patience; Delicious goat cheese, the product of early morning milking, transformed by the same hands into savory cheese; Canned pickles, grown, harvested, and processed to perfection; Smoked jalapeño hot sauce made from peppers grown and harvested by another one of our members. Even the cutting board was crafted by hand using three different varieties of trees that were harvested and skillfully turned into this stunning piece of useful art which now graces my kitchen with its functional beauty. This humble plate of food represents the stories of those in my community. The women and their life tales are truly awe-inspiring.

When we take the time to really see and invest in others within our community, we are gifted treasures to enhance our daily lives; treasures of untold value, worth and beauty. While I understand that some folks may still be hesitant to go back to in-person gatherings, I truly can’t say enough about the many benefits to be had by connecting with others in-person. I encourage you to join us, and to find or create your own community close to home. If you are willing to invest the time and effort that it takes to create and maintain the relationships that will surely emerge, I can assure you will be blessed with priceless returns.